“The ultimate paradox of game is that the man must affirmatively approach and establish the frame of the interaction while paradoxically appearing completely aloof and disinterested if the girl were to flake.”
“I think game is about learning how to make the sale while at the sae time convincing the girl that you really don’t care if she buys it, or that you’re even offering it to her.”
From Sidewinder, in Roissy’s comments section.
I guess it’s a paradox, but it’s certainly possible and necessary. I think that when it comes to the sales analogy, it’s very true. You need to sell without appearing try-hard, or appearing like you’re trying to sell. The best mindset that has helped me with sales and game (sometimes) is this: “You’re doing THEM a favor, they’re not doing YOU a favor”.
Do you follow Tyer? (Not Typer Durden.) He’s a guy that is seriously good at this, or has become that way.
What he does is just start talking a flirting with girls whether if he sees and opening, whether or not he plans to pursue them if they show ioi’s. Creates the right vibe. This day game (sort of) report is instructive:
http://www.thebachelorscode.com/?p=144
I’m not sure that it’s really a paradox.
The simple fact of the matter is, when you have confidence you are both good at selling whatever you’re offering and also entirely unconcerned with any individual response.
(Sexual market) game theory is almost indistinguishable from (business) game theory in this regard. For example, with the internet retail business I run I offer high-quality products, with fast shipping at prices just slightly below market rates. By buying from me, a customer is getting very good value for their money. However, given that there is a very large market of buyers who see the value of what I sell, it doesn’t not concern me if one buyer refuses to purchase from me because “my products are too expensive,” “my business is not large enough,” or whatever other reason is dreamt up. The simple fact is, any transaction that occurs is mutually beneficial to both my customer and myself. So, if one potential customer decides they don’t won’t to buy from me, I really don’t care. I’m just as happy to sell to someone else.
It’s the same way with dating. When you are a high-quality man, the simple fact is that many women would thoroughly enjoy spending time with you and/or having sex with you. When that mindset is internalized, it’s very easy to communicate that you aren’t particularly attached to the outcomes of interactions with any one woman. It’s easy to do because you truly aren’t concerned. When I am trying to go on a date with a woman, while I am desirous that she agree to go out with me (since it would be mutually beneficial), I also would not be at all bothered if she doesn’t want to go out with me for whatever reason. There are plenty of others girls who would enjoy being with me.
yeah, not a paradox unless you’re a newbie. it’s easier to understand when you consider how Roissy broke it down: impress me. that’s all.
Doug thanks for the link, I just read it and it is *killer.* I sat here in my cubicle transfixed for about five minutes. So many great quotes. Just the perfect killer attitude. Self-amusement. Improv. Just having fun. Treating everyone like old friends. Talking to every girl no matter what she looks like. Seeing the world as full of abundance. Jumping in cold. Nervousness meaning that my comfort zone is just expanding. How a phone number is just a natural extension of continuing a conversation, or, even better, of following up on plans already set.
Truly an excellent post with fantastic examples. I am going to link to it and thank him for this excellent essay. Basically, I want to master day game like him — and not really day game, but “life game”. Just living life, and seeing opportunities everywhere. That is killer.
But, I do prefer this life game in the day. Night game or club game or bar game, I don’t like that. Too loud. Too phony. Too much b.s. And match — so done with that. So impersonal. So much crap.
ps. I have the feeling that this “life game” is similar to how Yohami lives life and gets girl, his “zen game”. Just living a cool life, a life of abundance and fun, and interacting in a cool, casual way with whoever comes across your path. And inviting them to enter your world.
For that, though, I need to get a fun, active, interesting life going. I need to make friends — I have few to none in this new city. I need to know cool places to go, cool people to meet up with, I need to get more involved with the art scene in NCX, the museum and gallery scene, the design and photography world, etc.
In other words, I need to live a fulfilling and exciting life based on my interests, and then the girls will follow.
[…] The concept of Life Game was inspired by this post by Tyler from his blog The Bachelor’s Code, which I didn’t know about am looking forward to reading much more of. Thanks to Doug1 for posting the link in the comments section. My reaction to Tyler’s post is here. […]
>For that, though, I need to get a fun, active, interesting life going. I need to make friends — I have few to none in this new city. I need to know cool places to go, cool people to meet up with, I need to get more involved with the art scene in NCX, the museum and gallery scene, the design and photography world, etc.<
Yay! I'm not sure how it works over there, but here it's relatively inexpensive to join museums, galleries etc as a member. Do you also remember my comment about my friend who is a [visual artist] and goes to something he found on meetup. com where he DHVs. Maybe you can have a look on there to see if anything in NCX?
I flicked through a [magazine] and there was an article about people being single again after long relationships and it said a mistake many people make is going straight into online dating and not improving their social life generally. It said expand interests and make 'transition friends'.
Rivelino, could you drop me a quick email, I want to ask you something but can’t find a way to contact you via the site. Presumably, you have access to my email address as I need it to post on this blog.
I just emailed you. Let me know when you reply because I don’t check that email daily. Also, I thought my email was on the About page. It is alpharivelino@gmail.com.
You’re right. It’s not there.
Email me. I got an error emailing you.
“an article about people being single again after long relationships and it said a mistake many people make is going straight into online dating and not improving their social life generally. It said expand interests and make ‘transition friends’.”
That is excellent advice! That is basically the same conclusion I just came to. That is Life Game. As opposed to hiding at home and trying to find someone online.
Ah, I’d accidentally typed .com instead of .co.uk on my mail, fixed now and have emailed you. x
That’s exactly the attitude I need to cultivate. Like that instructor said on Krauser’s blog: I am offering her a chance to get to know me.
That is so huge, I am still trying to fully process that one.